How wide is your window of tolerance?
The window of tolerance stems from mindfulness and neurobiology research by Dan Siegel.
Self regulation requires an optimum window of tolerance. You have to be in that window of tolerance to think clearly, have good relationships, to plan for the future. If you struggle to self-regulate than your window of tolerance is likely shrunk. you are either too hypoaroused or too hyperaroused. This prevents them from thinking clearly, being involved in stable relationships, being able to function at work, since they are constantly juggling either a hyper-aroused (fight/flight mode - feelings of anxiety, overwhelm, fright, terror or anger) or hypo-aroused state (fright mode - ). In fight/flight mode you can experience heart rate increases, get shaky, or get body pains. The body is getting ready to fight or run for its life - our cognitive brain might know we are in a safe environment, but our primitive brain doesn’t. On the outside we can appear aggressive, anxious, obsessive or controlling. In fright mode we go into freeze or even collapse . On the inside you can feel dead, empty, flat, shut down, disconnected, nothing. On the outside you can appear withdrawn, quiet, hard to reach, emotionless, inactive, unproductive, and unable to learn, relate or engage. People with a narrow window of tolerance can swing from hypo-aroused to hyper-aroused with limited amounts of time within their window of tolerance. Self-regulation is all about being in that optimum window of tolerance and widening it through emotional awareness, through learning how to regulate your emotions, and through coming into your body and feeling safe in your body. It involves learning how to notice, communicate and manage your emotions and bring yourself back into your window of tolerance. Learn that your emotions are not dangerous and can be tolerated. Also identify your triggers and create an environment that feels as safe as possible.
Expanding the window tools:
Look at the way you walk.
Look at eye contact.
Look at breathing. Are you able to live within your rib cage? First open up the rib cage and learn to breath from there. As long as the primitive part of your brain is uptight you cannot do any real reflection. When you start off with the most elementary arousal systems of the body. Every session should include that. When uptight do qigong exercises - just imagine you have a ball between your hands, open up your rib cages, calm yourself down. Tap acupressure points - people become quiet and get into the window of tolerance, become more focussed and alert and can talk about difficult topics that cause stress. When uptight throw a beach ball back and forth - when you get a rhythm going you activate the most elementary synchrony part of your brain, so calm yourself down and it becomes safe to talk about difficult topics that cause stress. These breathing or moving exercises can be used for people who are hypo or hyperaroused, so they can self-regulate.
The Window Of Consent (
If you've yet to hear of Dan, he is absolutely worth a look up on TED, Youtube, or Amazon.
He is at the forefront of psychonueobiological research here in the States.
