inner critic:
Your inner critic is the impersonal inner voice that nags and repeats itself relentlessly. Your earlier upbringing and family dynamics will have shaped the dialogue of this inner critic. It’s the result of us unconsciously adopting the ideas or attitudes of authority figures during our formative years.
The consequence of this is that it impacts on our sense of self-worth, our capacity to process information, and how we are able to relate to others (such as the extent to which we can be vulnerable with others).
The challenge we face is balancing the extent to which we take what the inner critic says to be true in each circumstance and follow its commands. It forms part of our drive that pushed us to improve,, achieve and aspire for more in life. But in what circumstances does the inner critic not serve us well?
This gives rise to what Tim Gallwey described as the inner game. How we choose to engage with our inner critic’s instructions can shape what kind of self we actualise as:
Self A - Negative commands, and acts as an internal saboteur
Self B - Points out potential and capacities not yet realised.
This internal dialogue creates a cycle of interference. It distorts:
Perception
Response
Results
Self Image
You and your inner critic’s relationship
What does your inner critic say to you?
What feelings - both emotionally and physically in your body - do you experience when you hear those things?
What behaviours do you then exude in response to that? (What do you do and not do?)
What results do you get as a consequence of those behaviours?
reframing how you relate to your inner critic
Notice when you get hooked into critical thought patterns and negative feelings
Pause and choose change, so that you can become unstuck in this loop/spiral
Become psychologically present - engage in the here and now through your five sense (What can you see? What can you touch? What can you smell? What can you hear? What can you taste?)
Make a conscious choice - “I choose to not listen to my inner critic right now”.
Label the thoughts and feelings as temporary data that may or may not be helpful. “This is a thought” . “This is a feeling”.
Step back from your thoughts and feelings to examine them.
Reading Resources:
The Inner Game of Tennis: The ultimate guide to the mental side of peak performane, Tim Gallwey
Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change and Thrive in Work and Life, Susan David
Authentic Professional Confidence, Jacqueline Brassey
Your Inner Critic Is a Big Jerk: And Other Truths About Being Creative, Danielle Kysa