cultivating a player (proactive) mindset
The video above explains the 'player' mindest and 'victim' mindset - one we are all guilty of falling into on occasion. Not everyone appreciates being referred to as a victim, so it can be easier to refer to these as 'proactive' and 'passive' mindsets instead.
PASSIVE PERSPECTIVe Vs Proactive PERSPECTIVe - Exercise
Consider a specific situation that repeats itself as a pattern for you and where you feel your boundaries are crossed.
Where you perhaps feel anxious, or stressed, or frustrated, annoyed or angry.
Now reflect on that situation using the 2 different perspectives below.
PASSIVE PERSPECTIVe
Spend 5 minutes writing your answer to these questions below in the context of boundaries:
1.What has happened to me?
2.Who has wronged me?
3.What was wrong or unfair about what they did to me?
4.Why do I think they did this to me?
5.What should they have done instead?
6.What should they do now to repair the damage?
Proactive PERSPECTIVe
Spend 15 minutes writing your answer to these questions below in the context of establishing, managing and maintaining boundaries:
It is critical that when you reflect on these challenging questions you do so with empathy and compassion for yourself and how that situation caused you discomfort or distress. This comes first. Then comes the challenge in the form of caring inquiry to invite yourself to own your power and accountability.
1.What specific challenges am I facing?
2.How am I contributing (by acting or not acting) to create this situation?
3.How have I responded to this challenge so far?
4.Can I think of a more effective course of action I could have taken?
5.Could I have made some reasonable preparations to reduce the risk or impact of the situation?
6.Can I do something now to minimise or repair the damage?
7.What can I learn from this experience?
should i take a PASSIVE PERSPECTIVe or Proactive perspective when addressing my challenges?
The facts stay the same, what changes is your story about the situation when you change perspective. The proactive perspective illuminates opportunities for action and learning that were hidden from you before. The proactive story is not “more true” than the one from the passive perspective, but it is preferable since it allows you to see yourself as a contributor, capable of having influenced what happened, and capable of influencing what will happen.
Passive mentality
Defensiveness and choicelessness
It can be tempting to feel like a victim when something goes wrong.
● “This happened to me.”
● Focus on factors we cannot influence.
● See self at the mercy of external circumstances.
● Maintain self-esteem by claiming innocence.
● No acknowledgment of our own contribution to the current situation.
● When things go wrong, use blame.
Proactive mentality
Response-ability - ‘Response-ability’ is our ability to respond to a situation. While circumstances may depend on external factors, we always have a choice in how we respond .
● Requires unconditional responsibility.
● Focus on what we can influence.
● Find self-esteem in doing personal best.
● Explanations focus on self as an important contributor to the problem.
● Seeks to understand what can be done to correct problems.
● Reality is never wrong, what changes is how we deal with it.
Source: Adapted from Fred Kofman’s book ‘Conscious Business Coaching’