Inner conflict: conducting your own orchestra

Each of us has a core part that knows who we are - where we are going - and what is of value and meaning for us to Do & Be in our life. Any difficulty or issue in life is not there by accident - it can be purposeful and be used to move us forward in our individual growth.

You are made up of many parts. Each part of you is like an instrument in an orchestra. The “inner critic” part, “child” part, “compulsive worker” part, “lazy” part, “I need to be liked” part, and the “assertive and strong” part - the list goes on. Your core part is like the conductor and reflection when journaling helps you consider how and where your core part can ‘play’ the many other different parts, so that it plays the right ‘music’ you want in life. If we identify too closely with any one part of our self (For example, the stoic part), we lose accountability to the rest of our personality (For example, the vulnerable part). We risk being cut off from the richness of our whole personality.

If we identify with one part (e.g. stoic part), then we can see the world through only its perception. IT has US, rather than us having it. The number of parts in us in not limited, but our identification with each of them is. We ideally want to develop the capacity to centre ourselves and use our Will, so we consciously choose which parts we listen to and when.

Consider following these 5 steps when journaling about parts:

  • Recognise that ALL of our parts ultimately have something to offer (no matter how problematic they appear to be)

  • The first step is to become aware of who that part of us is and how it behaves. i) How does it feel in your body when it is dominating? ii) What are the predominant feelings you experience when it is there? iii) What are its world views, attitudes, opinions and beliefs (For example, “Burnout is for people who don’t have stamina”/”Downtime is just as valuable as work time”)?

  • Then accept that part of you for the positive value it has (in spite any of its apparent flaws). Then consider what this part of you has to offer, potentially to contribute or express. At its centre, every part has an essential quality to express. Once a part sees that we accept it, hear it and want to invite its essential contribution into our decision making, it already begins to change.

  • Next we can start to explore behaviours we notice in ourselves that we want to shift and consider what parts of ourselves that behaviour might link to. Then we consider i) What does that part WANT or desire? ii) What are its core NEEDS? iii) What is its essential QUALITY (its gift or positive contribution)?

  • Finally, we start to consider how we can coordinate the orchestra. For example, you may have a part that needs to be liked and a part that needs to assert itself and be strong. If these parts are in conflict then it’s important to consider how they can share time, how they can negotiate with each other so their different needs get met, and how their positive qualities can get expressed where it serves you.

Other questions to consider when reflecting on a specific part:

  1. Is it a part that is “Accepted” as being part of you or is it a part that is Not Accepted” (a part you try to suppress or repress)? For example, you may work in an environment where you assume being stoic is rewarded, so you suppress your vulnerable part.

  2. How does this part interact with other parts of you? For example, how does the vulnerable part interact with the stoic part?

  3. How does this part serve you? You could consider this for parts that are in conflict, for example, consider this both for the stoic part and the vulnerable part.

  4. How might it limit or challenge you? Again, consider this for both parts, if two are in conflict.

  5. Would you lose anything if you lost this part? Again, consider both parts.

If we begin to do this consciously then all the different parts of our personality can become a valuable vehicle of self expression.